WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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