I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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