i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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