Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
