There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize