Already got asked if we're dating
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
