No awkward lesbian experiences without me
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
