He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
