What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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