At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize