Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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