You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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