I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
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He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
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I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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