I wish my penis had an off switch
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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