Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize