OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize