We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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