my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
