I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
