I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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