it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
