i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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