is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
