lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
