I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
