You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
