i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
