I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
