I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
