Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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