I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
