so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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