ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
