I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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