I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
