i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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