I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I would ride that face into the sunset
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
