I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Randomize
