had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...