when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants