Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.