i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back