At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD