The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
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Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
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Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.