Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.