rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'm at about main and main street
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
