I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
