There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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