i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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