btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
