Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
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