Me. At least after what I've been through.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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