how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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