I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
