spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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