shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
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Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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