omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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