I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
