Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Randomize
