Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
