And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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