Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
