I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
