That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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