i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
