i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
