the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
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