I think this baby is eyeing my beer
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
