I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
