Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
